The Thoughts, Feelings, Emotions, and Other Aspects from the Ludecris Mind of Sam Renatolli

Have you ever found yourself thinking about this guy and always making up scenarios where you would run into him and have to talk to him? I have… a lot. We would bump into each other in the hall and at the same time we would be like “Oh, sorry!”

Then we’d be like, “hi,” at the same time to.

“I’m Mac Cutenheimer,” he would say.

“I’m Sam Renatolli,” I would reply.

“Nice to meet you Sam Renatolli, would you like to get some coffee after school?” he would ask.

“Sound great, Mac Cutenheimer! See you after school!”

and…

SCENE!

Of course, those were just cute little scenarios that would never really happen. In fact, I totally and completely suck at getting boys to see me. Girls if I ever wanted to become a lesbian or something wouldn’t see me either. Teachers here say that I have “an extraordinary writing talent”. Um… I just wanna finish junior high in once piece. It’s bad enough I’m the loner for the girls. I sit at the girls loser table at school ’cause, quite frankly, that’s where all of my friends sit. Some luck. i just don’t really feel right anywhere else. It’s like when I stay over peoples houses. I HATE it. Strong, unadulterated hate. You’re always tip-toeing around so you don’t make the creaky floorboards… well… creak and you’re eating their freaky organic food and drinking their weird tap water. It’s madness. Not to mention the fact that you have to put up with being oh-so polite cause you know that your mother will kick your ass if she gets a bad report. Which means that you have to treat the house owner people’s kids like angels even when they’re often like fruity sour candy, ya know, like really disturbing at first but then the day that you leave they get a little sweet so you just… put up with it.

Are we all hypocrites? When the school year hits December, everyone’s kinda fogging out of the whole learning thing. They don’t really give a damn about the fact that they’re older or whatever. But around the middle of summer after the excitement of finally being able to go to overnight camp wares off, they actually start to miss school. Then when they finally go to school, two months later- WHOA! December rolls around and the cycle just repeats itself. As my (evil) gym teacher from elementary school used to say, “It’s moments like those that make you think about the hypocritical world in which we exist.”